Compliments make me uncomfortable. Like insanely uncomfortable. And I’ve gotten complimented more in the last couple of weeks than I have in the better part of the last year-so my discomfort level is palpable when it comes to compliments. However, I will say it is not as bad as it used to be.
This thought struck me as I was settling back to play a game for a bit and binge watch some more Supernatural (such is my ‘any evening of the week tradition’). Then I had the second thought that I should explore this. That I should try to write about it and see if I was able to come to some sort of conclusion about why compliments make me feel so uncomfortable. If I could, maybe, put words to what I have always felt about people complimenting me.
I think it may be three fold. 1.)I can tell when people are not giving a sincere compliment 2.)I really do not like having extra attention drawn to me and 3.) I do not know if I necessary deserve the compliments.
I want to take a little time to explore each of these three issues that I have when it comes to compliments. I also hope that on the other side of this- I will have a better relationship with compliments in the future.
1.) Insincere Compliments
Blame it on the empath in me, but complimenting for the sake of trying to get something out of me just bothers me. I feel like this is something that would bother anybody, I just don’t know if I am extra bothered by it because of the fact that I can just feel when people are not complimenting me to just be nice. When I feel like someone is trying to get something extra out of it-it just bothers me. I also feel like this would bother most people. Maybe I am wrong and I am open to someone arguing this point.
2.)Compliments Bring Attention
This one is a little easier to track down- attention as a kid meant getting picked on by other kids. Therefore getting compliments back then also made me 100% sure that I was going to picked on and I’d say that probably happened a good bit of the time. The hard thing is- I still carry a lot of that as an adult. I know that it is illogical, because as an adult that is not the general thing that happens when someone compliments me. However, I can say that this point is one that I am starting to put behind me. It has taken a long time, but I do not feel as bad with this item than with the other two.
3.)Do I Deserve Compliments
Out of all three, this is the one that probably makes the least sense, but is also the one that is probably causes me the most discomfort with compliments. I just don’t feel like I really deserve them sometimes. I do not see many of the things that I do as being something special or odd or something worthy of being complimented. I just see them as things that I do, because I should. And I do not think that that is a something worthy of a compliment. If I really want to dig in to it- I think it also shows a sad state of affairs that normal, morally sound things are worthy of compliments at this time. I could go on about a lot of this, but I think a lot of it comes down to this- as I feel better about my own self-worth, compliments are not as hard to take. However, that is a long work in progress.
So for now- I am going to work on appreciating what people see in me that I maybe do not see in myself. I am going to take things one step at a time when it comes to compliments and really just try to understand that these are, most likely, good things that I am not willing to admit exist or things that I am not able to see. And maybe one day- I will see it and I won’t have to struggle with compliments anymore, but today is not that day.