I had career plans. I had decided on what I wanted to do. I had made a plan. And then the last two weeks have happened and a lot of things just got completely turned upside down.
The majority of the articles I write are things that I am good with having just about anyone read but I really hope that no one from my workplace stumbles upon this article anytime soon. Mostly because I am using this particular blog article to try to sort out if I should stop fighting against being a manager.
Here’s the thing- I naturally gravitate towards leading people, but leading people and being a manager are two very different things. To be a good manager, I think that you should probably be a good leader, but that does not necessarily make you want to be a manager. And here I sit- freaking out- because I’ve been offered another management position.
I can look at the last four days and aside from not being satisfied with how the project was previously handled, I have really enjoyed not having to worry about management like things. I have really enjoyed just being able to work and to strategize, but to not have to think about the management part of things. I am able to lead, but it is not in the way where I am having to look at everything through the eyes of a manager. I am able to just lead and to teach and to do the things that I really like to do.
But on the other hand- I cannot help but wonder if I should even be fighting the whole manager thing. It is something that I always assumed I would do, until I had a conversation a couple of months ago that really got me to thinking about what I wanted. It got me to thinking about the fact that I do not really like management. I like to do my job- I like to grow my skills. I like to teach. But I keep getting pulled back towards management. I keep getting asked about doing management positions and I just do not really know what to do. Do I do continue growing in to what makes me happy? Or do I choose to grow in another way and see if that makes me happy later?
Frankly- I don’t know. I really don’t know what I should do. I think I know one minute. Then the next I think that the other option sounds good. I know that I try to end these with something that I am going to go do, but I just do not know on this one. On this one- I think I am just going to have to seek out some advice and then settle where my heart feels best.