Sample of my internal dialogue today: Why did I do that? Should I have said that? Should I have laughed? I really hope I didn’t offend that person. Is this is the right thing to do?
And on my drive home this afternoon- I had a moment of ‘what in the world is wrong with me’. Normally I do not have these sort of issues. Normally I am decently self-assured and self-confident when it comes to work. But that was put into a tailspin early on this morning.
I am a venter. Plain and simple. This is something that I have made a habit of doing when I am trying to work through things-because keeping it all in is not a good option for me. However- it is also something that I know can rub people the wrong way. So, I happened to run across someone that did not understand that part of my process today, which has led to me second guessing a lot of things for the rest of the day.
I do realize this- I need to find a better way to deal with that kind of stress or just my general disappointment when work does not quite line up the way that I think it should. However- I am not exactly sure how to deal with this. I am not sure what I should do so that I remain calm, but so that I also get to work through what I need to in order to be able to process what I am actually working on.
For now- I just know this- second guessing myself is not going to do anyone, least of all me, any good. So- I am just going to try to take it one day at a time. Find my good, calm, work place and see where it leads from there. It may lead to some sort of unexpected clarity when it comes to work. But one thing I do know is this- it will lead to a good lesson.