I am going to start with the things this articles isn’t. This article is not about moving on from a relationship. It is not about the Frozen song ‘Let It Go’. This article is about learning to let go of the things that are outside of our control.
To all of my fellow control freaks- I feel you. I feel the complete paralysis when you realize that there are things that are outside your control. I feel the complete and utter panic that you go through when things deviate greatly from the plan. I feel all of this-because I have (and still do) live it.
Over the last month or so, I have come to realize that the control I feel that I need to have is not a good thing for me. It is not a good thing to constantly feel like I need to be injected in to everything that may possibly touch me. It is also a royal pain when the stress from just not knowing starts to physically manifest itself. But there are some things I have realized that I hope will help me work on all of the control I feel I need to have in my life.
1.) God’s Got This
Of all the points I am going to make in this article- I feel this is the most important. God has got this. Seriously. He has figured out exactly what needs to happen in my life and I just need to trust in him. I need to stop getting in His way and trust that He will work things out the way that He sees fit. In His own time.
2.) Stressing about everything does not make me happy
After several days of feeling like a walking, talking ball of stress- I can tell you this much- it does not make me happy. While I have let go of many things that are outside of my control (at least on the surface)- my constant worry wart self is freaking out about the fact that I actually have said ‘that is out of my control’ or ‘I am going to let so and so handle that part’. Like I can seriously feel myself going ‘hey, hey, hey- we need to jump in here, we need to do something’. And all I can think is ‘no self, we don’t-this is on someone else now- RELAX’. Which leads me in to….
3.) Not My Monkey’s; Not My Circus
While there are plenty of things in life that do fall on me- there are also plenty of things in life that are solely on other people. And I should not be driving myself crazy trying to fix all of the things that are ‘not my monkey and not my circus’. Being a fixer by nature does mean that I do help people a good deal, but there is a point where it crosses the line and I have to remind myself that I have to let go of hoping that they will follow my advice. I have to just know that, in my heart, I did everything I could and THAT is what counts. The overall outcome is not on me to make.
4.) Life Goes On
On the days when I am not being a control freak- life goes on. Heck- it is almost better than the days when I feel like I need to be in control of everything. On the days when I forget what this word ‘control’ is- I just get to experience life and that is the main thing I have been shooting for, for years.
5.) Control Only Stifles Me
While being in control seems good, it really stifles and paralyzes me in the end. If something goes wrong- all of my flexibility goes with it. If the plan gets suddenly shifted, I can be off balance for weeks. I know that no one likes change, but it is even worse when you realize that you really only like changes that you are able to control from A to Z and that happen exactly the way that you want them to. Period.
As I wrote all of this- I felt the stress within myself skyrocket and I am not sure why. Is it because of the fact that I am finally, physically trying to let go of the control and just be at peace with things and my body just does not know what to do with it? Is it specific situations that writing about this brought up? Is it something else entirely?
The answer is- I do not know. I cannot pinpoint one thing that triggered for me to feel more stress- but I do know this. The goals I have in life do not include having a crazy amount of stress. They do not include feeling like this day in and day out. So, I am going to take a few steps back and evaluate. I am going to make sure that I am actually, fully, decompressing each day. And if that does not work- I will look at other steps. I just know this- letting go, truly letting go, is one of the most valuable things that I can give to myself. And I do not want for this present to wait any longer than it has to, to arrive.