This morning I got up, got in my workout and then went to get ready for church. I planned on wearing this pink shirt with a black pencil skirt, some black tights and leopard print shoes. Then- I tried to put the skirt on. And it did not fit. The zipper would not budge past a certain point.
I then raided my closet, pulling out my two other black skirts, my gray skirt, the khaki skirt with an oil stain on it and a navy skirt with a fun print. And I got similar results. All of them refused to zip the entire way either. Or if they did- it was not adding to the look I was going for.
I would be lying if I did not say that I was pleased with discovery. I was frustrated. I was unhappy. But I was also resigned that this was bound to happen. In the last year- I have gained thirty pounds- which I think can be attributed to a mix of thyroid problems, minimal motivation to workout and eat right, emotional crud, and regularly occurring joint pain. There is only two problems in that list that I can really control and while I am looking in to getting an actual endocrinologist that will listen- I cannot move forward with fully fixing that issue until that doctor is discovered.
This weekend- I spent a bunch of time making myself an entire ‘rewards matrix’ for when I hit each of the healthy lifestyle goals that I want to attain. Some of those goals are easier than other. And some of the rewards are bigger than others. I guess since I had spent time on actually thinking through how I want to reward myself and I know that I am working on my emotional crud that helped contribute to gaining back the weight- I just didn’t let it bother me. Instead- I let it focus me on eating a healthier meal for lunch today. I let it focus me on not sitting on the couch all afternoon to crochet. I let it focus me. I did not let it defeat me.
Most people that have been up and down on a weight loss/healthy lifestyle journey have had these moments. These moments when we go ‘okay- that’s it- I’m going to get my crap straight’. And as I said earlier, I really do want for this to be my last time. So I planned my rewards for where I want to go. And I hope that that will continue to motivate me as I move along.