I have been working on a variety of different self help books over the last several months. Some of them have great advice. And there are others that I am skeptical about. But one of the books I have been reading through suggested that I sit down and write letters about the various things that are bothering me. That I sit down and address the people that I need to address in a way that is completely safe to me. If I want- I can mail the letters or I can burn them. In my case- I plan to burn them, but only after I can find a place where that won’t start a large fire.
What I noticed was that in each letter, there was a lesson. A lesson that I needed to learn, but at the time I could not understand or maybe could not even see. And they are also lessons I want to share.
Now, the intended recipient of these letters is only for me to know, so I have labeled them one through five. And here is what each of them taught me.
#1- Taught me that focusing on the wrong thing, can make you miss the right thing.
I’ll admit it right here- I spent years focusing on something that just was not right for me. And looking back on it- I can see all of the opportunities I missed, because I could not see them. I could not see them for all of the focus that I had on what I thought was best for me. I cannot go back and change what I missed, but I can learn from it.
#2- Taught me that sometimes it is kinder to say nothing.
I have always believed that there are times when we should say nothing, but I learned a bit more from this lesson. I learned that sometimes, ignoring something it alright. If there is no demand for an answer, then things can actually be just fine. This is not always the best thing in the world, but there are times when this is necessary.
#3- Taught me that who you are known as matters.
I always knew that reputation mattered, but it mattered in an odd way in this case. It mattered because who I am is defined by so many different parts of me. And all of those parts are who I am known as. That matters. It may mean that people look at you differently sometimes, but who you are known as and having that good reputation is worth it.
#4- Taught me that friendship is worth it.
I was not planning to make a friend at this point in my life, but I did. I made a friend that has been good for me and has given me perspective that I needed. The way the friendship formed was a bit odd, but it worked. And it is 100% worth it.
#5- Taught me that standing up for what I need is always necessary.
This is probably the hardest lesson, but it is the lesson that I really needed to learn. I needed to learn to stand up for myself. I am alright at it sometimes, but I am not always great at it. However, I learned that I really need to stand up for the things that matter to me. I need to create good boundaries. And these things are non-negotiable.
This exercise was rough. There were quite a few tears. There were quite a few moments when I questioned what in the world I was doing dragging these old feelings up. However, I think it helped a lot. It helped me to finally get what I felt out of my system. Whether I felt those things 10 years ago or 10 days ago- it didn’t matter. It was good to get it off my chest. And it was 100% needed.