Not everyday is easy. There are plenty of ups and downs in life. And each of those downs gives us an opportunity to get it back together.Now- maybe you’re wondering ‘why is she saying we get an opportunity to get it back together-wouldn’t it just be easier to get it right the first time’? Well yeah- it WOULD be easier- but we would not get the lessons that we need in life if we got it right the first time, every time.
For me- this post has been brought about because I’m getting my health journey back together. I feel like I am back on track for the first time in almost two YEARS. I’m sure some people may also be thinking ‘it took you that long to realize you were off track’ and the answer is no- it has taken me that long to get my act together and to care about my health again.
The last time I worked on this- I told myself I was working on the issues that drove me to overeat and just generally not take care of myself- but what I did not realize was how deep those things went. I did not realize how empty I would feel until I went to my 10 year high school reunion and all I could see was the things I had not done. I had not gotten married. I did not have kids. I was alone and that was what I compared my success to. It was, it is, stupid- but when you’re dealing with self-loathing, there are always surprise things that surface.
The pain after that drove me back to what I knew- food. And it is only in the last 6 months or so that I have taken active action to kick my self-loathing tendencies in the rear end. It is only in the last month that I have felt things really start to lift. I have felt like I am actually getting it back together.
And I am armed with better knowledge this time. I know this will be hard. I know there will be moments that challenge all the work that I have done. I know that it is easy to use my old habits. I also know that it is completely worth looking my self-loathing lies in the face and telling them to shove it. So-yeah- I’m getting it back together. One step at a time. One meal at a time. One workout at a time. One day at a time.